


Smaug the Terrible

by imaginary_golux



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 10:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1301308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginary_golux/pseuds/imaginary_golux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An old dwarf remembers the day Smaug came to Erebor...</p><p>This has absolutely no relation to the Coats & Customs 'verse, and also is utter crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smaug the Terrible

“I remember well the day Smaug came upon us,” the old dwarf says, leaning back comfortably in his chair. The dwarfling on his knee grins; this is an old story, and a good one.

“The guards on the heights sounded the alarm: a dragon approaching! The people of Dale ran into their cellars and hid. The warriors armed themselves and raced for the walls, and Prince Thorin at their head was the first to reach the heights.

“But there he found a strange and wonderful thing! For the guards had thought that the dragon was far off and very large; but already it had landed, and it was merely the size of a dog – not a large dog, either.

“And Thorin Thrain’s son came to the battlements and looked on the dragon – which was breathing flame very fiercely indeed, and roaring in a voice like far-off thunder. And the dragon cried out when it saw him, ‘I am fire! I am death! Tremble before me, and despair!’

“And Thorin Thrain’s son looked down, and found that there was at his feet the remains of the meal the guards had been eating when they were alerted, and he bent and picked up from it a haunch of rabbit. And he held it out in one hand, and said, ‘I am Thorin Thrain’s son, prince of Erebor, and _I_ have a rabbit leg.’ And the dragon looked at the rabbit leg and was quiet. And Thorin said, ‘If you will come with me to the smithies, and keep our fires hot forever and ever, you shall have the rabbit leg, and as many rabbits as you care to eat afterwards; and you shall have a hoard to sleep on, and the axes of the dwarves to guard you while you sleep.’

“And the dragon looked at the rabbit leg, and looked at Thorin, and looked at the rabbit leg again, and then it said, ‘I accept your terms of surrender, Thorin Thrain’s son of Erebor,’ and it took the rabbit leg from him and ate it, bones and all.

“Then Thorin took the dragon up in his hands and bore it through the mountain to the smithies, and stroked it between the ears, saying, ‘Here are the fires we wish lit,’ and the dragon breathed on them, and the flames grew hotter than they had ever been before.

“Then Thorin praised the dragon mightily, and ordered brought from the treasury as much gold and gems as would fill a corner of the room, and laid the dragon atop the heap, and the dragon curled itself up into a ball and fell asleep.”

The old dwarf smiles at the dwarfling in his lap. “And that is how Smaug the Terrible – for so we call him, as he wishes to be called – came to Erebor; and we of Erebor must always keep him well-fed and his hoard well-filled, and he will keep our fires hot enough to forge even mithril without worry.”

“I promise,” says the dwarfling sleepily.

“And now it is time for good little dwarflings to curl up in their beds and fall asleep, just like Smaug did,” the old dwarf adds, cheerfully.

“Yes, Great-Uncle,” the dwarfling says obediently, and slides down off the old dwarf’s lap. “G’night!”

“Goodnight,” the old dwarf says, and watches his great-nephew scamper off. His sister, sitting beside him, snorts a little.

“They never tire of that story, do they, Frerin?” she asks merrily.

“That they do not,” Frerin agrees. “It is a good story.”

Dis grins at her brother. “And I happen to know for a fact you always put in the bit about Thorin petting Smaug between the ears _just_ to annoy His Majesty.”

“That’s what little brothers are _for_ , sister dear!” Frerin says, and their laughter echoes through the halls.


End file.
